The Importance of Names

I wrote this little piece over 4 years ago on Fetlife entitled My Name Is...

Jinx. Not Michelle. Not Sharon. Not Cassie. Not Alice. Not Deborah. Jinx.
I do not care if you know me out in the "real" world by another name.
I do not care who told you my name was _______.
I do not care if ____ or _________ call me by another name.
You are to call me Jinx because I introduced myself to you as such.
Don't ask other people for my alternative names. If I trust you and like you enough, it will come out in time. If not, then clearly I do not think you are worthy of knowing another facet of my being.
You are not to tell others my alternative name(s).
I go by Jinx.
I am LUCK, both good and bad.
I am no longer "the sea of bitterness" or "the one of the sea" who fell for the "god of wine and revelry."
I am Jinx.
I am "luck" and my "beloved" is the "giant-killer."
You have your chosen name(s). I have mine. Please call me by my name.
If the boot fits, lace it up and wear it.
Jinx

Here is yet another piece on the importance of names I wrote also around 4 years ago entitled So I'm waiting you might say...waiting for the JINX and trying not to feel too lucky.

Jinx
n.

• A type of curse placed on a person that makes them prey to many minor misfortunes and other forms of bad luck;
• A person afflicted with a similar curse, who, while not directly subject to a series of misfortunes, seems to attract them to anyone in his vicinity.
• An object or person that brings bad luck.
• A penalty that one person can invoke on another when the two of them say the same thing at the same time.

tr.v. jinxed, jinx·ing, jinx·es

• To bring bad luck to.

[Possibly from jynx, wryneck (from its use in witchcraft), from Latin iynx, from Greek iunx, perhaps from iuzein, to call, cry.]

After I've introduced myself, I've had a number of people (both kinky and vanilla) look at me with reactions that vary from shock, disbelief, to mild confusion. Similar reactions are seen when someone else points, "Oh, her? Yeah, that's Jinx." Yes, my name is Jinx. Yes, I do know what the word means. I am quite aware of the history and the negative connotation carried with it.
Furthermore, it is ME. I have horrid luck. I always have. Is it a matter of belief? NO.
My family has a theory that my biological dad insulted a witch and she cursed him. They believe the curse (or jinx) bounced off of him and hit me when I was very young. Since he had that altercation with that woman, my luck has been horrible...ranging from various injuries and medical issues to bad situations. Is this what happened? Maybe. Maybe not. My family jokes about me being jinxed. It used to bother me...a lot. Now I see it for what it is.
Maybe I did something really bad in a past life because I really cannot think of anything I have done to bring this on myself in my current life.
In conclusion, do not think I chose my name lightly. You may use your given name or one you chose for yourself. I don't judge you or ask you in a condescending tone if you know what YOUR name means. Don't treat me as if I am uneducated because my name historically describes something negative. For years, I believed it was negative. Now I have embraced it because despite everything, no matter what I want to believe, it is ME.
Life has its ups and downs. All I can do is smile and carry on. It can't rain all the time.

Here is some backstory.
As many of you know, I am currently considering a full time dynamic with Rowan. If you would like to look up the significance of his name, use the Google Machine. Oh...it also helps if you spell it correctly. Here, I even took the time to do it for you.

So...fast forward to this evening.
I had gone out to dinner with some friends and my boy. During dinner, one person in particular kept calling Rowan by his vanilla name. There are several reasons that Rowan does not use his vanilla name within the community. If you ask nicely, he might even tell you. He may also tell you to mind your business.
Anyways, after several polite corrections from Rowan himself and a few from me, this person still was not using the correct name to address my boy.
Our entire group left to attend a social event following dinner. Soon after arrival, Rowan quietly pulled this person aside and explained that his name was "a treasured gift given to me by my Lady." He also added that this person should look up his name and what it means, so that he may understand why it was important. This person replied, "Okay, I'm sorry. I will look it up."
At that point, we thought the conversation was over.
Boy were we wrong!
I was walking past the two of them and this person pulled me aside to apologize. "I'm sorry for calling Rowan by his real name." I visibly stiffened and through gritted teeth, accepted his apology.
Why were you upset? You, my reader may ask.
I was upset for a variety of reasons:

• Rowan's name was chosen for him by ME. He loves his name and it isn't a private pet name. 
• My boy was getting visibly upset upon being called by his vanilla name.
• After several polite corrections, the behavior was not changing.
• Only after my boy took this person aside did anything change.

...but this person apologized. You may argue.

This is what I found lacking in this person's "apology":

• This person apologized for calling Rowan by his "real name". Rowan is my boy's real name...just like Jinx is my real name and exactly like Myobi was once my real name (now a dead name).

I'm going to go on a little side path here so follow me if you will.

There are few people left now that knew me once as Myobi. If any of you are familiar with the manga Alichino, you may know of this creature. She grants wishes in exchange for feasting upon the wisher's soul. Her name literally means "beautiful darkness". She loathes others like her and enjoys fighting them. She serves one man and him alone. I know some of you reading this who knew me as Myobi are chuckling right now...but I digress. My Master chose my name. When I was released upon completing my training, my collar was gone along with that name.
It was a huge change but the transformation following that relationship was for the best.

Let's take another trip.

Many of you know that I am Ms. Corazon Leather 2016. I had the privilege of judging the Corazon Leather Contest 2017. I was sitting in the Judge's room among a few fine people and interviewing our lovely contestants. 

One particular contestant's explanation to a difficult question came swimming into my memory. Curio Lecter had written in its contestant packet that it only had one name and not to ever bring up its other name because that name was a "dead name". This was a term I had not heard before. I questioned it about the term. Through tears, it explained that a dead name is attached to a being or an aspect of a person's life that no longer is in existence. This "entity" has passed on. Curio told the panel its birth name and explained that because it had found itself, that name did not fit it, much like body parts do not fit a person trapped in a wrong body.

For example, if you refer to a trans-man (or woman or intersex or gender fluid or gender non-binary, etc. person) by their birth name and they have chosen a new name, you are dead-naming them. It is very disrespectful, harmful and demeaning to an individual to take their choice (which does not harm YOU, I may add) and dismiss it as though their preference and sense of self are nothing. 

This concept also applies to pronouns. 

So...if you or someone you know is dead-naming someone or not respecting that person's preferred pronouns, here is what to do:

1. Correct them (or correct yourself).
Example: "Excuse me, but I believe ______'s preferred pronoun/name is ______." OR "Oops. I mean ____, not _____."

2. Apologize for dead-naming them or not respecting their preferred pronouns.
Example: "I am very sorry for the name slip and will do my best to remedy that." OR "I apologize for not using your preferred pronouns."

3. Move on but continue to make the corrections in future conversations.
Example: Use their preferred name or pronouns from that point on.


If you do not know their preferred name or pronouns, just ASK. Better safe than sorry.

If you do not understand, they may explain it to you if they feel like it. If they feel they do not owe you an explanation or do not want to discuss it, respect that.

One more thing...if you want to know something about a person, often their name will tell you a lot.

Names are special. Hell...If you know a demon's name, legend says you can control it...if you believe such things of course. Throughout history, names have been of utmost importance. Google it some time. I will not do it for you this time.

Have a great day and respect your fellow beings!