The Importance of Names

I wrote this little piece over 4 years ago on Fetlife entitled My Name Is...

Jinx. Not Michelle. Not Sharon. Not Cassie. Not Alice. Not Deborah. Jinx.
I do not care if you know me out in the "real" world by another name.
I do not care who told you my name was _______.
I do not care if ____ or _________ call me by another name.
You are to call me Jinx because I introduced myself to you as such.
Don't ask other people for my alternative names. If I trust you and like you enough, it will come out in time. If not, then clearly I do not think you are worthy of knowing another facet of my being.
You are not to tell others my alternative name(s).
I go by Jinx.
I am LUCK, both good and bad.
I am no longer "the sea of bitterness" or "the one of the sea" who fell for the "god of wine and revelry."
I am Jinx.
I am "luck" and my "beloved" is the "giant-killer."
You have your chosen name(s). I have mine. Please call me by my name.
If the boot fits, lace it up and wear it.
Jinx

Here is yet another piece on the importance of names I wrote also around 4 years ago entitled So I'm waiting you might say...waiting for the JINX and trying not to feel too lucky.

Jinx
n.

• A type of curse placed on a person that makes them prey to many minor misfortunes and other forms of bad luck;
• A person afflicted with a similar curse, who, while not directly subject to a series of misfortunes, seems to attract them to anyone in his vicinity.
• An object or person that brings bad luck.
• A penalty that one person can invoke on another when the two of them say the same thing at the same time.

tr.v. jinxed, jinx·ing, jinx·es

• To bring bad luck to.

[Possibly from jynx, wryneck (from its use in witchcraft), from Latin iynx, from Greek iunx, perhaps from iuzein, to call, cry.]

After I've introduced myself, I've had a number of people (both kinky and vanilla) look at me with reactions that vary from shock, disbelief, to mild confusion. Similar reactions are seen when someone else points, "Oh, her? Yeah, that's Jinx." Yes, my name is Jinx. Yes, I do know what the word means. I am quite aware of the history and the negative connotation carried with it.
Furthermore, it is ME. I have horrid luck. I always have. Is it a matter of belief? NO.
My family has a theory that my biological dad insulted a witch and she cursed him. They believe the curse (or jinx) bounced off of him and hit me when I was very young. Since he had that altercation with that woman, my luck has been horrible...ranging from various injuries and medical issues to bad situations. Is this what happened? Maybe. Maybe not. My family jokes about me being jinxed. It used to bother me...a lot. Now I see it for what it is.
Maybe I did something really bad in a past life because I really cannot think of anything I have done to bring this on myself in my current life.
In conclusion, do not think I chose my name lightly. You may use your given name or one you chose for yourself. I don't judge you or ask you in a condescending tone if you know what YOUR name means. Don't treat me as if I am uneducated because my name historically describes something negative. For years, I believed it was negative. Now I have embraced it because despite everything, no matter what I want to believe, it is ME.
Life has its ups and downs. All I can do is smile and carry on. It can't rain all the time.

Here is some backstory.
As many of you know, I am currently considering a full time dynamic with Rowan. If you would like to look up the significance of his name, use the Google Machine. Oh...it also helps if you spell it correctly. Here, I even took the time to do it for you.

So...fast forward to this evening.
I had gone out to dinner with some friends and my boy. During dinner, one person in particular kept calling Rowan by his vanilla name. There are several reasons that Rowan does not use his vanilla name within the community. If you ask nicely, he might even tell you. He may also tell you to mind your business.
Anyways, after several polite corrections from Rowan himself and a few from me, this person still was not using the correct name to address my boy.
Our entire group left to attend a social event following dinner. Soon after arrival, Rowan quietly pulled this person aside and explained that his name was "a treasured gift given to me by my Lady." He also added that this person should look up his name and what it means, so that he may understand why it was important. This person replied, "Okay, I'm sorry. I will look it up."
At that point, we thought the conversation was over.
Boy were we wrong!
I was walking past the two of them and this person pulled me aside to apologize. "I'm sorry for calling Rowan by his real name." I visibly stiffened and through gritted teeth, accepted his apology.
Why were you upset? You, my reader may ask.
I was upset for a variety of reasons:

• Rowan's name was chosen for him by ME. He loves his name and it isn't a private pet name. 
• My boy was getting visibly upset upon being called by his vanilla name.
• After several polite corrections, the behavior was not changing.
• Only after my boy took this person aside did anything change.

...but this person apologized. You may argue.

This is what I found lacking in this person's "apology":

• This person apologized for calling Rowan by his "real name". Rowan is my boy's real name...just like Jinx is my real name and exactly like Myobi was once my real name (now a dead name).

I'm going to go on a little side path here so follow me if you will.

There are few people left now that knew me once as Myobi. If any of you are familiar with the manga Alichino, you may know of this creature. She grants wishes in exchange for feasting upon the wisher's soul. Her name literally means "beautiful darkness". She loathes others like her and enjoys fighting them. She serves one man and him alone. I know some of you reading this who knew me as Myobi are chuckling right now...but I digress. My Master chose my name. When I was released upon completing my training, my collar was gone along with that name.
It was a huge change but the transformation following that relationship was for the best.

Let's take another trip.

Many of you know that I am Ms. Corazon Leather 2016. I had the privilege of judging the Corazon Leather Contest 2017. I was sitting in the Judge's room among a few fine people and interviewing our lovely contestants. 

One particular contestant's explanation to a difficult question came swimming into my memory. Curio Lecter had written in its contestant packet that it only had one name and not to ever bring up its other name because that name was a "dead name". This was a term I had not heard before. I questioned it about the term. Through tears, it explained that a dead name is attached to a being or an aspect of a person's life that no longer is in existence. This "entity" has passed on. Curio told the panel its birth name and explained that because it had found itself, that name did not fit it, much like body parts do not fit a person trapped in a wrong body.

For example, if you refer to a trans-man (or woman or intersex or gender fluid or gender non-binary, etc. person) by their birth name and they have chosen a new name, you are dead-naming them. It is very disrespectful, harmful and demeaning to an individual to take their choice (which does not harm YOU, I may add) and dismiss it as though their preference and sense of self are nothing. 

This concept also applies to pronouns. 

So...if you or someone you know is dead-naming someone or not respecting that person's preferred pronouns, here is what to do:

1. Correct them (or correct yourself).
Example: "Excuse me, but I believe ______'s preferred pronoun/name is ______." OR "Oops. I mean ____, not _____."

2. Apologize for dead-naming them or not respecting their preferred pronouns.
Example: "I am very sorry for the name slip and will do my best to remedy that." OR "I apologize for not using your preferred pronouns."

3. Move on but continue to make the corrections in future conversations.
Example: Use their preferred name or pronouns from that point on.


If you do not know their preferred name or pronouns, just ASK. Better safe than sorry.

If you do not understand, they may explain it to you if they feel like it. If they feel they do not owe you an explanation or do not want to discuss it, respect that.

One more thing...if you want to know something about a person, often their name will tell you a lot.

Names are special. Hell...If you know a demon's name, legend says you can control it...if you believe such things of course. Throughout history, names have been of utmost importance. Google it some time. I will not do it for you this time.

Have a great day and respect your fellow beings!

What a Weekend...

Woooooooooow.

What a fucking weekend.

As many of you know, this past weekend was the Leather Bear and Cub Contest with Special Guest Mama Reinhardt at Sidewinders Bar. I am so proud of the Albuquerque Leather Community for showing Mama that we are amazing! We got to show her that despite all of the little subgroups we have, we come together for things bigger than our own self interests. It was amazing to see our many groups represented: The Leather Daddies, AboL, TNG, Mama's Family, Duke City Deaf and Hard of Hearing, AEL, ClubFEM, MasT, etc. Forgive me if I spaced listing more. There were sooo many!

Thank you to the amazing judges that came out to pick the 2017 Leather Bear and 2017 Leather cub Titleholders.
Thank you to the contestants who each brought your A-game and made the decision tough.
Thank you to Sidewinders Bar for hosting this contest and giving us a space to call home.
Thank you Michael and Renato for being so open and kind to our community.

The weekend was crazy.

Friday night, I showed up to Sides to meet my 3 Leather brothers. I met Mama briefly and my mother called... My estranged Godmother was flying in from Texas tonight and it would mean a lot if I came to catch up.

Let's back up to about 1999...I know...nearly a decade ago. My mama moved my brother and I up North from Las Cruces and we lost contact with my Godmother Julie. My mama and Julie were best friends in college. We had helped her move out of her husband's place shortly before leaving town.

They vowed to keep in touch...but Julie vanished. My mother was devastated. We sent letter after letter...called everyone we knew...sent emails...called the last place she worked at...nothing proved fruitful.

Fast forward to 2009... I was in high school and everyone was transferring from MySpace to Facebook. I switched over and started a new page called "Find Julie ____________". We had many people "like" the page and share the posts and pictures that I had posted there. We paid search sites for information. We sent letters, made phone calls, and sent emails. Nothing.
We became quite discouraged...and eventually stopped trying to find her. It was as if the wind carried my Godmother away.

Someone saw the picture on Facebook of Julie and recognized her immediately. This person contacted me with Julie's ex-husband's information, meaning well but unintentionally driving the point home that he could be found but she could not...

Here we are on a Friday night and my mama is calling me telling me that she found my God mother through one of those paid information sites and she is flying in TONIGHT. I absolutely could not pass this up as my Godmother and I would not be available to catch up any other night.
I politely excused myself from Mama and Sidewinders and went to a restaurant near the base. I walked through the door and my little brother immediately yelled my Vanilla name.
I walked over to the table and my mama hugged me first. She was crying but I was busy looking over her shoulder at the short grey-haired lady standing behind her with my father. My mum let me go and this strangely unknown yet familiar woman embraced me.
We all sat down and talked for about an hour before my parents took my Godmother to their home.

Following my family visit, I then went to Soch to see a benefit show and enjoy cigars indoors with one of my brothers and boy in consideration. Little did I know that this night would be the first step down into a rabbit hole I was not prepared for.

While I will not go into detail as the story has been told so many times, I should have been more aware that what happened Friday evening would escalate come Sunday night.

Shaken and upset, I arrived at my house in the wee hours of the morning, got no sleep and went back to the grind only hours later.

After work, I attended the Leather Bear and Cub contest at Sidewinders. The Leather Daddies were very generous to grant me a few minutes on stage to pin in our newly patched Corazon Leather titleholders: Curio Lecter and TytheGentleman, which followed the tradition from last year when my titlespouse and I were pinned in. During that small ceremony, I also informed them not to worry because I personally funded their patches with the hope that they would fund the patches of their successors.

A few boys were also patched in to AboL which one of my brothers announced. All in all, we showed Mama how diverse yet united our community is.

Congratulations to our Leather Bear Tim and Leather Cub boy Andy! I know that the two of you will represent New Mexico well.

Following the contest, a number of community members were called into the back bar and pinned in to Mama's Family, including my brother boi Dani. During that ceremony, Sir Adrian proposed to his boy and I caught some amazing pictures of the event. Mama was laughing and crying.

My boy in consideration and I stayed at Sidewinders for a while after. We were laughing, drinking, conversing and having a great time when Sir Adrian called me over to where he and Mama were sitting. Mama was whispering to him for a few minutes before turning to me and asking me to be part of her family. I began to cry, hyperventilate and laugh because I was in shock. I accepted.

Now I anxiously await to hear what name has been chosen for me.

Sunday, I spent serving my community with the Babes and Bullies. We educate people on responsible ownership of bully-type dogs and raise money for shelters and rescues across the Land of Entrapment.

Sunday night, I went to the Wet Munch, stayed through the education portion that I host and set up, and then went back to Sidewinders to perform in a show with a new piece in addition to an old favorite. I performed my old favorite piece.

My Leather Family decided to meet up at Sides and chaos ensued.

I missed my debut piece and walked away from Sidewinders with 2 brothers instead of 3, my boy in consideration, a fuck ton of fear, questions and mistrust.



Now we wait.